so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
