I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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