we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
