Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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