so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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