He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
