You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
