Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
