Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
