It's like God shit irony all over that family
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.