hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.