If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.