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covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
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