I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
