I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
His nipple licking is glorious
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