I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
soo... how was my night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
