you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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