Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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