He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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