grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
