1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
