we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
