I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
