I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize