Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
