I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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