Umm I'm too high to move.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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