she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
