Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
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in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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