I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
