Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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