I faked an abortion last night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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