I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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