can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Come on in and take your pants off
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