I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
