So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
