if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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