I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
worst night to have a conscience
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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