his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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