Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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