is your mom at the bar?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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