the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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