I wanna passion pit in your ass
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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