the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When are your genitals available?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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