You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
