I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
