watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
