So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
