I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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