So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Of course I have a pirate flag
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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