We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize