meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
