Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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