she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im part way to drunk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
