Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
