Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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