You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
