Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
