I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My life is pants optional.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
