i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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