He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
