Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something