Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.