so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.