i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..