your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
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don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Congratulations! We have a period
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